A person who doesn't believe in Religion is called a....

Every Sunday I phone home, and every time my mother asks me if I'd gone to Church. I ususally skip the answer with hems and haws, but paradoxically, that tends to drive in the point that I didn't, more than a simple 'no'.

It's funny. I was raised up within a family with a pretty steadfast belief in Roman Catholic Christianity. And for all it's worth, I did my share of service to the Church in my modest way. But the moment I grew wings to fly, interestingly, it was religion I flew away from first. The last time I was regular in Church was back in my 10th Standard. It's been 12 years since, and I have drifted away from it's rituals steadily over time.

Of course, this straying, if I may call it that, really hasn't gone down well with my parents. They've been through pretty hard times in the last sixty odd years. It has been religion that has saw them through the ups and downs, the goods and bads. Me? I've had it good all along. Sure there were some times when I was really down and out. And guess where you'd find me then... Yup... on my knees.

But then again, let me come straight on this one important point. I strongly believe in God. Not just some alien who came down from the heaven in a Spaceship and proclaimed himself Messiah (I'm not refering to the Christ, just 'Gods' in general) I belive that in all this beauty and intelligent design around us, there has to be a higher power- that one common thread that runs through everything giving sense and form to nothingness.

But Religion. Ah... let's just look around us. We have people killing each other in the name of religion. We have people oppressing and exploiting in the name of religion. But then there lies the crux "In the NAME of...".

All religions per se can be boiled down to one basic principle- Do Onto Others What You Would Do Onto Yourself. So unless you're a sadist, that should pretty much solve the worlds problems. Right?

Well, apparently as is pretty obvious- Wrong. The way I see it, the inherent problem with religion is that to be applied to society, it opens up opportunities of unfettered power to certain individuals (Priests, Popes, Temple Trustees and the lot). And with power comes responsibility, as does "Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely".

My wife who's a Hindu told me that Rituals are methods to focus the mind towards the Almighty. I find that reasoning pretty reasonable. But then again, how many maha-atmas (Great Souls) ever partake in a ritual with that goal in mind? Not me for one, and I'm pretty sure, not too many others either.

I've seen it for myself. The devoted. All praises for the Almighty. Partake in every ritual possible. But once all the song and dance is over, what do they do? Fight with their neighbor? Curse their relatives? Plot against their rivals? Persecute their enemy? So what's the use of all the show if at the end of the day you defile the Fundamental law that the Almighty has laid down for you- "Do Onto Others What You Would Do Onto Yourself"

Throw away those rituals- it's coated the essence so much that you don't even know what it is meant for anymore. We just keep on chanting them in unconscious repetition. Keep only those that matter or really make a difference. Revision is necessary to clear away the redundancy that steadily creeps in over time.

I was walking down the road today. I saw an frail old woman sitting on the footpath. She had obviously been abandoned. I passed her outstretched hand deliberately without so much as a glance. I waited at a food stall a few meters away, observing her as I sipped on a juice- I had been had by beggars before. I watched her eyes fill with hope as she extended her wrinkled hand to a passer by, and be overcome with disappointment every time they passed her by. She could be our mother in another Universe- a victim of circumstance... and yet another passed her by.

I ordered a sandwich and walked towards her. She extended her hand out automatic as I approached.... then her face suddenly lit up as I slowed down and squatted besides her. She eagerly took the little parcel, her eyes full of gratitude. I asked her how she was. My smile came automatically.

It wasn't the food that was important at that point. It was acknowledging a fellow human being- another of God's own miracles. It was a lesson in humility in realizing that I am blessed with abundance. Abundance that really isn't mine. Abundance that can disappear as quickly as it came. Abundance that in the end won't mean anything. It was humbling to realizing that I had been given this Abundance to reach out and give it back to where it came from. For it is only then that you will find happiness and peace.....

And that my friend is what religion really means to me.

Whump... Whump... Whump...

Silence all around. Except for that sound- Whump... Whump... Whump... Steady, rhythmic, almost perverse in its perseverance.

I had been warned. Many moons ago. "The extent of damage is irreparable. We'll have to initiate the ultimate solution." I chose to dismiss. I'll deal with the consequences when they come around. I knew it was inevitable. So why spend precious hours worrying about something that I would have to face up to eventually?

But you never dismiss a warning from an expert.

He said it would come. Like a roaring horde of barbarians from the beyond. Caught unaware, I would be overrun and swamped.

It was the glint in his eye. Was it a lie? Insanity? One too many novels from last night? I wouldn't know. I chose to dismiss.

So it wasn't all true. There was no roaring horde of barbarians, no crippling blitzkrieg and it's been 750 nights now. I guess things aren't done that way anymore.

It starts with silence.... A hot humid summer night. Lying still in bed. Staring up at the empty ceiling. Silence... And then out of the darkness... Whump... Did I imagine it ? Is this the beginning of the end he had prophesied so many lives ago? I steele myself in anticipation. Silence... It never comes.

But it never went. And then there was another, and then another. Till now Whump... Whump... Whump... Steady, rhythmic almost perverse in its perseverance. It's like a whales heart pounding away- blood spurting thru constricted veins. My jaw, my head being squeezed by a vice- a dull ache rising like bad water during a biblical flood. The pain is paralytic, yet the only thing that soothes it is pain itself.

But the dismissal has turned to defiance. I refuse to seek help. Hell, I hung on unmindful the last 2 years. A little pain will not defeat my cause of nothingness. Because, when nothingness is the cause, it's nothing you live and die for.

-------

It wasn't the pain that finally did me in. It was a thick, hot, juicy steak. Brown on the outside, baby pink on the inside. The aroma, the texture, the firm tenderness... I couldn't ask for more. But my tooth had finally ground off the last it's enamel (cliché- Bitten off more than it could chew). Nothing could stand against the fiery union of nerve and spice. I had to let the Steak go...


The horror.... The horror....


-------

"Umm.... Hi... I'd like to make a dentist's appointment...."

Only Yesterday

Isn't it amazing how some songs and smells can pull back lost memories from the deepest recesses of your mind, and yet make them seem like it happened yesterday?

Animating frantically against the clock

Been in a rush the last 2 days, trying to get my current animation assignment to a shippable shape for my anim-review tomorrow. An anim-review that has come down upon me way too soon.

Then in the indisciplined chaos of it all, a good friend comes along seeking my blog... and all I have to show is a black void with a ominous sign- "In Progress" splashed all over it's singular page. It's been that way since November of last year- a victim of callousness and lethargy.

So, there you have it- the ultimate irony of it all- I finally made time to make a substantial blog the one day that I was neck deep with work. So mysterious the twists of life....

(with all due gratitude to Anandroop Mukherjee for pulling me out from my quagmire of laziness.)